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:)
well hajji tomorrow i start my internship.
yesterday i had a 3 hr long meeting about this organization called college leadership. i was part of it last year and they wanted to go over the curriculum and see what they should chnage and keep and that ment analyzing every detail hence why it took so long. i also got to take a nice walk around downtown tallahassee. i quickly learned that there is nothing there but office buildings its a shame. i mean i knew this before but id never really spent anytime there and thought i donno id end up buying something neat. total fail.
i then took the bus to black dog and talked with some friends for a bit. came home had dinner and well spoke to brenden for a bit watched some merlin (new fav show) im a king arthur nut so this is right up my alley.
today well i organized my room a bit. did some writing reread some of brendens writing and then well i spoke to the hott photographer guy on the city. seriously cant wait to meet him if i end up going to visit kat. i learned why hes single etc. hes cool.
then i spoke to my friend luke. i dont think ive told you much about luke. luke is like a puppy. i call and well he comes. i know its terrible but i donno its flattering to think someone responds when you call for them. anyways hes always there when i need him. hes got this intense crush on me and well he dated this girl who grosses me out so yea i wont touch anyone that goes near her. hence why i dont date him. anyways he finally got a gf. i hope she knows he only wants her for the summer. well at least thats what he told me. anyways he asked me about my love life. and thats when i realized how nonexistant it is. i havent had a guy kiss me in over a month. which well is more or less a long time.
then later this afternoon i had another friend flirt with me i suppose is what it was, at least thats what he called it, he made spanish pillow talk references. anyways it was wierd and i even asked him what on earth would make him think id sleep with him. w/e clearly im not doing well with the whole needing or wanting a relationship for that matter.or a boy/guy/man in general.
o and this guy i dated at the end of january also decided to speak to me today and mentioned how it was wierd that i blew him off etc. really i didnt he never called me he only texted and if i called he never took my calls or called me back. so yea thats why i know i didnt blow him off and yea eventually i just kinda gave up on him. wierd that he tried to guilt trip me though especially since well hes just so happy with his gf. not that i believe that.
so clearly its been the relationship kinda day.
anyways.
xoxo
lenny
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sinus headache
haji i doubt you read anything im writing to you although i wish you would.
anyways this weekend was the weekend i was to spend with brenden. well shocking news i didnt go. i stayed. i spent friday at the pool soaking in the incredible sun and then hanging out with my dad at the warehouse.
i spent the past week unable to decide if i was sick or if i had allergies. turns out i have a sinus infection. kinda makes me wanna die. its miserable. i have the worst sinus headaches and everything feels like death. my dads convinced its because i have a weak immune system. but i sleep plenty and i get everything i need. im not an avid vitamin taker but thats because i find them pointless.
anyways so its been a nice relaxing weekend at home with my dad cause my mom is off with her friends in st. augustine. seeing as how i dont have a car and i find that i live conveniently far enough from everyone that id rather not bother to ask someone to come fetch me i havent really done much.
kinda wish i was there in gville with b though. but im glad im not cause hes got alot of school stuff to get done and i have this sinus headache from hell so wed just be getting in each others ways and it wouldnt be good. maybe ill try again in 2 weeks.
kat still wont let me talk about him. she says shes heard me talk about enough boys who have broken my heart that she doesnt wanna have to hear about another one. thats funny whats gonna happen after b and i arent as close anymore. im just gonna find someone else. she weird. i get it but shes still weird cause shes gonna have to get over it.
right well im gonna go drunk some apple cider vinegar and water and see if thatll clear my head.
i miss you henry justin max brian. i really do.
xoxo
lenny
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ill get bored
so last friday b. and i got into a fight with each other.
i drunk dialed him and well i guess i got to involved and he was all like ill get bored with you and one day we wont talk. anyways it went on for 2 hours this fight. exchanging words and i cried. it was awful. i cancelled my trip to go see him when i woke up in the morning. my mom heard part of the fight so she antagonized me more til i decided i was mad at him like super mad at him. well sunday i gave in and decided i wasnt really all that mad at him. i had been told to be that mad at him and well that silly. so we made up. now hes scared to meet my mommy cause he thinks she hates him. anyways since i cancelled my dad has replanned my weekend and because brenden and i made up i kinda wanna go down.
this is what we determined from our fight though. he thinks i like him to much. long distance relationships are pointless. wed be better off as friends because well we know how to keep lasting friendships. relationships are always a let down.
anyways he drunk dialed me last night. he tried to convince me that hes the best cuddler known to mankind hes gonna be awesome with the next girl he sleeps with and a few other things.
lets see i got an internship *super excited* i have a job interview today (hope i get it).
i need to find someone in tallahassee cause im looking for guys elsewhere and that doesnt do me any good at the moment.
im also talking to this guy in NYC. youve probably heard of him anyways ill tell you more about him later.
justin the weather has been perfect here and ive been hiding out inside. its terrible. but i also have no car and my neighbor with the kickass pool hates me. getting to a pool just seems so hard.
anyways im gonna go have bfast
xoxo
lenny
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wifey-poo and hubby
so this week has been kinda nice.
brenden and i looked at our horoscope compatibility. we make a good couple apparently. im planning on going to visit him next weekend. i cant wait. i didnt think id see him for a while but im happy itll be so soon. he drunk dialed me last night and called me his wifey-poo and well i replied calling him my hubby. kinda wierd since we are just friends. i dont think ive every trust anyone as much as i trust him. kinda makes me scared like what happens if we ever stop talking. but really ive never trusted anyone the way i trust him. i dont even tell my best friends half the thiings i tell him.
so i had an interview yesterday and 2 more set up for next week and 2 more potential ones. im kinda psyched. justin i wish wecould have a pool day and talk about all this. or maybe youre reading this im not quite sure. i hope you are. i miss our talks. i miss getting your advice. and hearing some of your stories.
kat wont let me talk about brenden with her. as far as shes concerned im going to gainesville next week to just go to gainseville cause brenden doesnt exist in her world. its ridiculous i think shes jealous that im just so close to him. but whatever.
tomorrow is gonna be a pool day or so ive decided. wish you were here.
xoxo
lenny
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3 in heels
walking around tally in my 3 in heels trying to find a job for 4 hours today not so much fun.
ive decided to do a deep clean in my room. im getting rid of my collection ive had forever. kinda sad not sure where to put them now. im just trying to make my room look less cluttered i have so much stuff. i miss you this is annoying. i cant get ahold of you. whatever. i use to tell you everything ill just pretend this reaches you.
is it terrible that i constantly wanna have brenden around. i could talk to him about the difference between yogurt and sour cream and be completely content as long as im talking to him. i trust him more than i trust most people its incredible.
i talked to this photographer in NYC this morning he wants to do a shoot with him. that could be really great. esp since he was the one on the city last week and hes becoming more and more in the spot light.
i wish you were here. i wanna tan with you. lord knows i need it.
tell me about south florida. tell me whats going on in your life. youve disappeared.
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this week
so brendens in florida. the first couple days we didnt talk nearly as much anyways it drove me crazy. but its all good now. this week was all about me finding a job and well the start of summer vacation. brenden and i didnt get married.
i went out with my friend luke friday and our friend jimmy. i think luke finally got the point that hes just a friend. he made out with some girl. it was odd but kinda made me feel better. i made a new gf. we decided enough of the same guys like us both so we must have something in common, we might as well be friends.
i cant wait to get my car working again soon so i can visit gville. honestly i really wanna see brenden.
so my friend cory who ive known for years sent me text last night saying he missed me because i appreciate him. it was kinda sweet. i pointed out that even when hes known me for years he doesnt know shit about me. he wants to learn. i think a crush is developing on his end. which is sad cause i had a crush on him for the longest time.
anyways hajji i miss you
xoxo
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heidi
so i know how much you love ms. montag
heres her newest video: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=121541554527736 it made me think of you. obvi
anyways all ive done for 48 hrs is calc. i talked to brenden today for a few min.
other than that i have no new news.
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tanning
so im laying out studying. obviously not getting far with the studying.
anyways im listening to LMFAO. youd hate it i kinda hate myself so it but i couldnt resist
brendens gone til wednesday. hes camping. i cant talk to him. :(. o well.
in the mean time. to wants to fuck me again. not gonna happen. im flattered but honestly im kinda over him. but god we were good once. good thing thats all over. its exam week. kinda nightmare.
kinda love this heat. the pearls of sweat as they roll of my body. best feeling ever.
i love this heat i dont understand people who hate it. they make no sense. did i tell you i broke up with max. well i did.
im writing a story. wanna read it? maybe ill post some later for you.
i miss you haji
xoxo
lenny
ps: i told the story of how i got to be called lenny to brenden the other dayhe thought i was just a lenny for years. he had no idea you were the 1st to call me lenny.
i think of you everytime somone says my name.
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proposal
brenden is trying to figure out how to claim fl residency. we all know hes not a fl resident but he got into uf and wants to save some cash and not pay out of state. well one way out of the box way. marriage.
he proposed to me last night. i threw in the idea of getting it anulled at the end of our deal. i also said id think about it. he threw in a trip to el salvador with him over christmas break bought and paid for with all the trimmings. this morning i woke up after having slept on the idea of it and agreed. if it happens ill be mrs brenden b. in 2 weeks. i hope you read this.
i need to find a way to break up with my bf. when we 1st started dating he told me he was in love with this girl in gville. w/e at least he told me. well hes going down there tomorrow and then shes driving him back and staying for a few days. when i asked if he was gonna cheat on me he was like “o yea!” and i was like i figured. honestly though i know im not the person who should be judging cause well ive had some fun but i was also single. i feel like not that im in a relationship id actually feel disgusted with myself if i cheated on him. plus the most id ever do if i did was kiss someone else and well i know thats not all hes gonna do. and if i did kiss someone else id break up with my bf.
i fell like i have to accept the fact that hes cheating on me cause he did give me a heads up when we started going out but then again its just sleezy and shady. plus we were at dinner tonight and i felt like i was watching a three old. he even clained like i knew he was like a little kid. watch him drink his oatmeal cookie martini was enough to make me feel sick. the way he liked the rim was just digusting. and when he dropped some of his salad in his now emptty glass of what had whiskey but was now only full of ice he suck his dirty little fingers in and grabbed the food and ate it. honestly hes a great friend but i feel the more i hang out with him the more i hate his flaws.
i was even coming up with excuses to get out of going to his house cause i knew if he took me there hed try and sleep with me. after that horrible display of eating dinner and claiming he was going to cheat on me kissing him even felt like a chore.
henry justin wolfe brian (haji) i miss you so much
i miss your remarks on all my stories. i miss your advice. where are you?
so back to brenden i think i may be falling for him. i love talking to him all the time. honestly between the two of us we make a min of 7 phone calls to each other a day. i drunk dialed him last weekend all i know is i said fuck max, ill get rid of him. and i wanna fuck you. apparently i also informed him that i had been drinking large quantities of johnny walker. the rest is a giant haze
the nest night he drunk dialled me 7 times. i know the min for us that doesnt even count me calling him either. anyways he told me he loved me and that i was gorgeous and that he would fight for me. the next call he said there was nothing wrong with wanting to be his gf. the calls after that got hazy and then the very last one he took back his love and said he didnt mean it he was drunk. well he was still drunk.
i doesnt remember any of these calls. i constantly wish he was here. i dont know why i mean after all ive never seen him more than 5times in life but weve become so close these past few months its insane. so close i agreed to marry him and get an anullment soley to svae him tuition money.
haji. i really hope youre reading this.
xoxo
lenny
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little bit more catch up
its that time of year again. tanning season has started. which means i miss you more than ever. and yea i was recapping today. you promised to only be gone for the weekend you been gone for months. you lied to me.
anyways. i woke up brenden today to tell him about this crazy girl in front of strozier. she was in the hospital last night because she had a break down during a bad acid trip. she thinks of of it a good experience where she was finding herself. i says thats a load of shit. whatever it wasnt my trip.
i think im falling for brenden. we plan all kinds of trips together now and we talk about all the fun were gonna have together. honestly like what happens if we disappoint each other and we arent as much fun in person. i dont get why kat hates him. she called him old last night. i think he got offended. which she has no right to call him old after all he did have her pinned up against the betty house that one night when she was 16. i mean if hes old now he must have seemed ancient then.
ok im gonna go socialize for a bit
xoxo
lenny
